Last dance
by Jessica12
Summary: Mulder and Scully meet again at a party after years apart


Title: Last dance  
  
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category:AU,MSR,V  
  
Spoiler: None   
  
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where  
  
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se  
  
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles  
  
Summary: Mulder and Scully meet again at a party after years   
apart.  
  
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX   
and they are not mine.   
  
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar  
mistake may occur.  
  
  
"In my dreams I hold you tight,  
I wish that I never let go,  
In my dreams I have no fright,  
'Cause I'm no longer alone,  
We will never love again,  
I'm under spell since you've gone,  
We will never kiss again,  
I'm under curse and I'm done,  
I feel so blue and alone...."  
  
( From a song by "Weeping willows" called "Blue and alone",  
lyrics by: Carlson )  
------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
I thought that I had put that all behind me. I believed that   
I had put all those feelings away with all the other memories  
from times gone by. Maybe it's foolish to ever believe that  
you can put it behind you. But I tried. It was a matter of survival.   
But now I don't know. I have a good life. I'm content. It has   
been so long since I saw him last. Sometimes when my mind   
wanders I imagine him married somewhere and even kids. I have  
never resented him for leaving. I guess he had his reasons. The  
passing of time has drifted us apart.   
  
I stand here, lingering in the doorway. I don't know why I   
have come. I don't belong here. I wish that I just could hide  
in the corner. But I know she will be here. I haven't seen  
her since that day I walked out of her life. I thought I was  
strong enough to survive out there without her. I had done it  
before and I was so sure that I could do it again. But I was  
wrong. I have never felt so lost as when I am not with her.   
But I knew that I had to stay away from her. I was saving   
her life.   
It's been two years since I last saw her. I have kept my  
promise and stayed away. But not a day hasn't gone by when I   
haven't wondered about her. I kept imagine her the same as   
when I left her. Somehow I knew that I was fooling myself.   
But it was a nice dream, though.   
As I stood there I saw her. She was standing in the middle of  
the room dressed in a black, sleeveless dress. Her hair was   
longer than I remember and it seemed like it was glowing in   
the lights. I froze. I couldn't move. I found it hard to   
breathe. I have never felt so scared as when I stood there.   
I had planned it all so well. I had imagined what I would say  
to her when we stood face to face again. But when I stood   
there all my plans went out the window.   
  
I could feel him before I saw him. I knew that he was close.   
I don't know how. I just knew. My heart went racing in my  
chest and my body felt like frozen. I turned around and then  
I saw him. He was standing in the doorway to the ballroom. He  
was dressed in tuxedo. His hair was longer and he had a nice   
tan. As our eyes meet I felt like I was going to melt at any  
moment. I had thought that I was strong enough to forget.   
I was wrong. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much  
I wanted to ask. But fear got a hold of my heart and backed  
away. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring that I wore.   
I was not the same old Dana Scully. Things had changed.   
  
She was married. I heard it from some guy and I can't remember  
who he was. All I can remember was feeling so hurt. I fled  
out into the hallway. I need to escape from this hell I had  
put myself into. I don't know why I had come. Social events  
like these was never my strong thing. But I needed to see  
her. She was the reason for everything.   
Married, married. That word kept chasing me. I had never in  
my wildest dreams thought that she would be married. Maybe  
it was foolish to believe that she would wait for me forever.  
I should be happy for her. I should walk about to her and   
just act like nothing had changed. But I couldn't. I was   
through with pretending. I was so tired of playing these games.  
I wanted scream from the top of my lungs that I loved her.   
I wanted to beg her to come back to me, to give me a second   
chance. But it was too late.   
  
He was standing with his back to me. I don't know why I had   
come. But I needed to see him. I needed to touch him. I needed  
to hear his voice.   
- Mulder.  
He turned around and he looked so surprised when he saw me.   
- Scully, what are you doing here?  
- I could ask you the same thing. Events like this is not your  
thing.  
- I know.  
I wanted to walk up to him and put my arms around him. My arms  
screamed out for it. But time and distance had drifted us   
apart and put fear in my heart.  
- Then, why have you come?  
- I can leave if you want to.  
- No, don't. I just...  
I don't know what I want. He was no longer mine. He was just   
one part of my memories. But still I stood there screaming   
for something more.  
  
I stood there lost for words. I couldn't answer her. She looked  
so beautiful that it almost hurt looking at her. I wanted to  
touch her.   
- Nice ring.  
She looked at me with those eyes and I could fell myself melt.  
I wanted to be angry. I wanted to show how it hurt. But I   
couldn't do that to her.  
- I meant to tell you. But I didn't know how to get in touch  
with you.  
It was my fault. I was the one that had pushed her away from   
me. What had I expected? That she would wait for me forever?  
Foolish.  
- What's his name?  
- John. He's a doctor. We meet at a party.   
- He's a lucky guy.   
Silence. So this was how it's going to be between us. I wanted  
to turn around then and there. I couldn't act anymore. I   
couldn't lie and say that everything was okay. I had lost her.  
- Mulder, I....  
She moved closer. I wanted to run. I knew if she touched me  
I would crumble. But still I wanted her close. It was like  
a battle between my head and my heart. My heart won.  
She was standing so close now. She was looking at me with   
those beautiful eyes.   
- You don't have to explain.   
- I want to. He's a good man, Mulder. He works with children.   
He asked me to marry him on Valentines day. We married two   
months later.  
I turned away from her. I couldn't look into her eyes and see  
the happiness that lived there. I just couldn't. It hurt too  
much.   
- Please, don't.  
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut the pain out. All  
I could hear was that I had lost her. I had been a fool in so  
many ways. How can you say goodbye to the love of your life?  
I could feel her hand on my arm. My skin felt like it was   
on fire. I felt weak in the knees as I turned around.   
- Mulder, I never meant to hurt you.  
I wanted to lie and say that this was nothing. But I couldn't  
do that and I think she already knew the truth. I was never  
a good liar.   
- So this is goodbye?   
- Never.  
But we both knew that it was a lie. Everything had changed.   
I wish I could tell her all that I kept inside. I wish I could  
tell her how much I loved her. Not as a friend, not as a   
partner but as a woman. I loved her for every time she saved   
my life, for every time she saved me from myself, for every time  
she held me when I cried. I loved her smile, her warmth and  
her strength. But I couldn't tell that. I couldn't do that  
to her. I was not the man she loved. She had moved on a long   
time ago. I knew that I had to let her go.  
At least I had my memories.  
She smiled at me and I knew somehow that everything would be  
all right. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.   
- May have this dance?   
I smiled back and answered:  
- Always.  
They were playing a nice slow ballad. The music drifted out  
into the hallway and us. I placed my hand around her waist.  
I took her hand in mine and pulled her closer to me. I have  
never been a good dancer. But somehow I didn't care.   
  
I placed my head against his chest as we danced slowly. I will  
forget this. I will thank god for giving him back to me, for  
giving me a chance to say goodbye. It felt so nice to be held  
by him once again. I felt stronger when I was in his arms. He  
has always given me the strength back. I owe him so much. My  
life, my love, my everything. I could never repay him for  
everything he has done for me. He has given me so much.   
He gave me the gift of truth. He showed me another place,   
another world. He opened my eyes. He gave me wings and made  
me fly. I love him. I love the way he makes me feel. I love  
the way he smiles. I love the feel of his hand in mine.   
But he was not mine to love. Time has pushed us apart. I   
never believed it was possible to love two people at the same  
time. These days I believe.  
  
The music died out slowly. I never knew that it had stopped  
until my feet touched hers. I looked down at her. She was   
standing so close. The warmth from her body made me feel   
weak in the knees. I wanted to kiss her. Her lips were right  
there. I closed my eyes and let me be taken by all those   
feelings I had been hiding. She didn't move away. She gave  
herself totally. I tasted her and everything she gave me.   
Afterwards I pulled her closer to me and rapped my arms   
around her. It was time now. Time to let go.   
- I will never forget you, Mulder.   
- And I you.   
Then I let her go. I framed her face with my hands and looked  
into those eyes. It's time for me to go now. I smiled at her  
one last time and whispered my goodbyes.   
Then I turned around and walked away from her.   
  
I stood there watching him walk away from me. I wanted to   
run after but I knew it was time now to let go. It was time  
for me to let him out of my life. As I stood there I wished  
him all the happiness and love life could bring him. I knew  
that I would never forget him. He would always live in my  
memories. I smiled and whispered:  
- Goodbye, my love.   
Then I turned around and walked back into the ballroom.  
  
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se 


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